Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
