you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
