i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
These tits shall not be calmed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
