so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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