i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
