Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
