I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
