Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
