oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
