I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
