The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
