dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
