when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
