Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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