So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
