it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
