Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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