How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
