So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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