On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
