My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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