At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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