Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
