mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
