..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
