i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
