I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
