he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
