when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
