**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
