11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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