she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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