; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
