The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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