What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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