Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
