she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
