I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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