I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
