eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
