dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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