I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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