if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
