So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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