Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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