If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
