Dual....:-)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
