We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
