she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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