You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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