In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
