Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
