God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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