The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
