dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
