HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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