yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
